So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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