i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
