youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
