threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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