you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
