Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize