Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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