currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
birth control should be required to get into college
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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