K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
