You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
