I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
