3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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