i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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