hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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