I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dear god my vagina.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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