if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
