i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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