Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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