Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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