At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry about my life...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
