so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
