Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
