I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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