i dont even know how to be here
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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