i would punch a child for taco bell
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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