If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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