i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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