Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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