The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
