an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
