saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
