Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
