Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Michael Bay diarrhea
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
