Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
