the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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