Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
