i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
