forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
