I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
