Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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