I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
