so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
