My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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