...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
