there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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