Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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