i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
