honey bunches of taint.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
