Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
