if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
