I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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