If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
