it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
