you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
