i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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