He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
