my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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