this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
