So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
