Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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