It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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