I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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