he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
