We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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