I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
