Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
