I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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