I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
