Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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