My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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