I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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