I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
