You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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